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Ever felt like all you wanted to do is lay down,do nothing and dont give a care about everything else? And feeling like giving up on tomorrow or even today as if theres no purpose on getting on with life? Like an empty shell with no purpose...just seeing the minutes and hours tick away.

Often there are times when everything just feels...pointless yknow,we're all gonna die anyway...

Why the terrible morbid rant? Nothing bad happened actually,it just feels like ive lost interest in everything because nothing seems to be able to cheer me up....like ive lost momentum.

hmm..

Taking up my cross

I get the message now and the truth is real.

This life i live,i dont ever want it to be a selfish one,there are too many people like that living in the world right now,living for themselves and rarely for others.

Im tired of seeing drifters,tired of seeing people chase for self-glory,tired of seeing people suffering,tired of all the hypocrisy and the lies and the contradictions and those little bickerings that happen in other peoples lives.No,i dont want to be sucked into that.

I have to work hard,God help me because its not gonna be easy.

Studying hard,getting a decent job with decent pay and then probably climbing up the career ladder,earning more money,buying bigger better things,finding love through emotions,marrying and settling down,having kids and raising the family only to work even harder to save up for childrens education,growing old and then dying is NOT the way i want to see my life unfold.Thats what most people strive for nowadays,or perhaps they just let life drift by without a care in the world.

HERE I AM,SEND ME..

Its been in my mind for many years now,but by faith,its been made clear to me now:

I want to live my live...helping others and doing something meaningful for our broken world.It would make me happy to see myself everyday going out to help those in need,bringing hope into their lives,putting a smile on their faces,working to a better more considerate people,building true and sincere relationships with the people in my life,and enjoying every cherished moment i could spent with them and showing them what it would really mean to love others the way my God has loved me.

Whenever i see pastors,missionaries,people who work in the SPCA,child welfare,Unicef,wildlife conservationists....basically people who work their bodies to exhaustion day in and day out just bringing support and hope to the suffering...i want to be a part of it,to do what they do.The world needs more of these people,we have enough who only care about themselves and only the things important to them.

Its kinda naive,maybe a little childish,i dunno but i know in my heart that someway somehow,this is what i wanna be doing in my life.I dont know where to start and i have doubt that i may never reach this goal.But i know very clearly now,this is what i want my life to be like:Living the unselfish life

One step at a time la i guess..haha

Gold Coast

Departure

Well,phew! That was fun,went with the family for a week to the land down under.Took like 6 hours plus to get there? Time flew by really fast on the plane somehow and i really didnt suffer much from boredom.

Anyway when we landed,we were kinda lost until we found out we had to take a bus to the hotel we were staying in,taxis are kinda expensive.

So the first memorable thing i remembered was this:2 Aussie chicks and a dude were coming down from this bus totally pissed and yelling F*** you at the bus driver.Apparently some argument broke out and the bus driver was forced to make them leave the bus at the airport.The 2 chicks were dressed in bikinis and the dude in surfer pants,they were definitely in some sorta trouble X) We took the bus to the hotel soon after to get some good rest.

Monday

The whole family slept like rocks due to exhaustion,and we needed to get food,food in Australia is $$$,a simple McD meal can set you back about Rm21++? And thats just for one person.So yeah,the whole day we spent shopping at Pacific Fair for food to cook in the hotel.Its great to see so many Aussies just walk around in VERY light clothes like shorts and singlets,not like the conservative style here.Owh it was so jakun cause in one of the grocery stores there,instead of cashiers we had to go to this machine and scan the stuff we bought ourselves,we annoyed one of the staff members a few times because we didnt know how to operate it! Lol and then parents cooked up JUICY BEEF STEAK at our hotel,eating this in a normal Aussie restaurant will easily cost RM75++ =S

Tuesday

DREAMWORLD!! That was the plan for that day,so me and my sis took the bus there while mom&dad did more shopping.Dreamworld is home to one VERY tall freefall ride...the GIANT DROP as it is aptly named,so for those of you who went to Genting and have rode the Solero shot....now imagine that tower,accept that it is 2 1/2X TALLER!! It was awesome!!! the ride would make you freefall for ATLEAST 4 seconds and the rush is a truly crazy feeling,loved it loved it loved it XDD But to buy the ride pics is $$$ because it costs roun A$15.

After that we went to the Motorcoaster,basically a roller coaster that simulates sport motorbike movements,then we went to the TOWER OF TERROR which is this little car on a track which launches you to about 150KM an hour in a spilt second forwards then upwards at 90 degrees only to reverse backwards at high speeds,it surely was TERRIBLE but not because of the ride but the QUEUE! We waited almost an HOUR just to ride the thing which only lasted less than 12 seconds,ugh.But the rush was really nuts la X)

Then we proceeded to ride the CYCLONE which is the prime roller coaster ride of Dreamworld,the ride duration was kinda long for a roller coaster and it was fantastic because there were LOOPS,SWIRLS and PLUNGES! It made me grin widely....well all of the rides made me grin widely =P

After that one we went to ride the WIPEOUT and the CLAW before proceeding to the Dreamworld Wildlife area where we saw:KANGAROOs,KOALAs,EMUs (A bird),and TIGERS (Plus one beautiful WHITE tiger).Me and sis just chilled with the JOEYs and took some pics with'em.

Before you know it,the time turned 5:00 pm and the place was closing =(

Went back to the hotel and what did we have for dinner? STEAK! JUICY AUSTRALIAN BEEF STEAK =D Bought some food to cook cus buying out is gonna cost us =)

Wednesday

SEAWORLD!! This time with the whole family,rides werent as wild as Dreamworld but it made up for it with some nice displays of sea life and shows! Owh and did i mention.....SESAME STREET!!Haha we went to that show too and watched the whole gang make an appearance.I loved that show when i was young =P Only thing i missed is the polar bears which were perhaps in their dens,the weather was quite hot that day.The whole experience was topped off with a pirate show with this hot pirate chick as one of the actors ;)

At night we went jalan-jalan along Surfers Paradise commerical area,lotsa stores and even a Haunted House which i didnt go to because me sis didnt want to go either.

Thursday

Saving the best for last,we went to MOVIEWORLD and in many ways,Movieworld was indeed the best of the lot =) The rollercoasters were really crazy,one even gave me a bad headache! The shows were fantastic,especially the Stunt Driver show where the cars even drove around on just 2 wheels on one side,it was really cool.Characters like the Flash,Catwoman,Batman,Scooby-Doo and even Marilyn Monroe made an appearance and just walked around the park getting camwhored at.Rode the Shrek 4d ride too which was just as great.Overall i cant really describe the experience in words cus you have to see the pics for yourself (Which i doubt ill upload due to laziness =O)

Friday

By the time you know it,the trip is coming to an end,my parents decided to do some last minute shopping while i chose to go alone to the Gold Coast Art Gallery.Free admission,there were some really weird and cool art pieces on display from paintings to sculptures and even videos.The artists are either too quirky or pure geniuses but art is art and i didnt bother to do much interpretation of the art pieces on show.

Saturday

Went home on a 8hour plane flight back,wasnt so boring for some reason.lol Tired when i got home,called Pav for school work and as expected,lots to catchup on.

BACK TO ROUTINE LIFE FOR ME =S

Some pics on FB as usual.....till next time.

A semi-happy dead-end

Well i cant say for sure,but time has proven it.Im perhaps enjoying the best days of my life so far and this light shines so brightly,but there's that little dimness in the corner of my thoughts that constantly remind me that ive met a dead end.

There's no where else to go but backwards,and why on earth would i want to do that? Ive come this far and now there's no way forward,just an invisible brick wall as a metaphorical manifestation of something im perhaps destined never to have.

Its fine with me,but the fact is,a part of me will always be heavy knowing im forever stuck at this dead end.I hate being selfish....

A week into the new year.

Well back to school,im feeling good and having fun,worknstuff is way better than rotting and stoning at home! Anyway,it was good to see everyone again although one of my classmates did pullout and went elsewhere.

I went for our very 1st youth service in Sbang yesterday but due to the arson attacks we were forced to have it elsewhere due to safety. =/ Its a pity how some people justify their actions through violence.....

Youth service was fun,we had games and everyone was cool.Its a small group but im sure by faith we'll slowly get the church up on its feet and running smoothly =) Im thankful for all that is happening in the church right now,and i hope i can do my part to bring this church up.Its funny because 2 years ago,i couldnt have forseen any of this happening.But God has led the way,and he's slowly moulding my life for his glory,for that im forever thankful.

2010

Would you believe me if i said that if you put your faith in God,all the things that you yearn for will one way or another,come to be?

It really does work,and 2009 has been a spectacular and blessed year full of great memories.My faith in him has been restored and he has worked wonders in my life ever since.

Im really thankful and i pray the faith i have will carry on into this year,more than any other year because this year will be the turning point for me.

So what happened to me on New Years Eve? Well nothing much really in the morning and afternoon,but at night,haha,it was a real blast! FACEBOOK as usual~ 8D